i had my first dream when I was three. For being so little, I have a lot of memories from that time in my little life.

My dream started on a beautiful day in a quiet neighborhood. I didn’t recognize it but I somehow knew that it was my home. the house was quietly nestled at the end of a cul-da-sac whose open land surrounding it was adorned with thick, beautiful trees. it was a charming, brick ranch home with space all around for the breeze to rustle the leaves. Meanwhile, the houses that lined the street which emptied into the cul-de-sac were cookie-cutter, two-story perfect white homes with white picket fences. They stood close together struggling to breathe in tight formation.

All of the sudden i heard a terrifying sound. With a boom, footsteps pound the earth from a distance and a tall green monster appears above me. this tall green monster was the Green giant that’s on the can of green beans. i stood tiny in his presence, frozen in terror looking up at him. In his loud booming voice he orders these instructions:

“You have three minutes to hide.”

“you can hide anywhere except for the big tree.”

“if i find you then i kill you.”

i panicked. Running out of time, i ran to the big tree. i knew i shouldn’t hide there because it was forbidden but i could hear his footsteps approaching. i climbed up as fast as i could and sat in my anxiety. He approached the big tree and my stomach dropped. i knew i was dead. i woke up. this dream was one that i had every 3-4 years. It always started the same way: the green giant would come, he would give the same rules and then I would have to hide.

The second time i had the dream i knew that if i climbed the big tree that i would die. so i scurried around until i ran out of time and he found me in the grass. I knew I was dead. I woke up.

next, i tried running down the street. with nowhere to hide, he found me. i knew I was dead. i woke up.

then i tried knocking frantically on each door of the perfect white homes, begging for someone to let me in to hide. no one opened their door for me. he found me. I knew i was dead. I woke up.

I tried climbing on the roof of one of the perfect white homes. he found me. I knew i was dead. i woke up.

i tried hiding in the bushes outside of the perfect white homes. he found me. i knew i was dead. i woke up.

the last time that i had this dream, a realtor was standing outside of one of the perfect white homes with a potential buyer trying to sell it. I ran to her in panic begging for her to help me hide, which she declined. He found me. I knew I was dead. I woke up. I got smarter (and older) each time i had the dream; but each time the green giant found me and each time the green giant killed me.

much like in my reoccurring dream, i have made a lot of real-life mistakes in my twenties. although i got smarter (and older) through the years, I feel like i never could get it right. I would choose the wrong hiding places in people, sometimes run around panicking and every time die from some type of disappointment. there are a lot of things in the past that i would do differently. i have spent today mourning most of the mistakes that i have made in the last decade. Today is the last day of my twenties.

It has been a very long time since i have had my green giant dream. but i realize that I never ran home. I always ran every other direction. i ran to where i thought the people were.

I can’t do anything about all the times i died in my dream, and i can’t do anything about all the mistakes i made in my twenties. but i finally found my home. i finally did get it right. i Finally found my safe hiding spot.

tomorrow is my 30th birthday. I may not technically be home in Columbus, ohio getting to eat delicious american food with my mom, sister and family. But i do know who the safe people are in my life. i have a mom and a sister and wonderful friends who love me. I do know that i have a warm, safe, beautiful home in the fiancé who loves me and takes care of me from thousands of miles away.

i know that i am thankful for all the mistakes if it got me to this moment right now.

Whenever i see the mighty baobab tree here in the gambia it reminds me of the big tree in my green giant dream. and i choose to smile at it.