I have been living in the gambia now for a total of eight months, which means that i am officially now six months into my 24-month service!

the two-month Pre-service training is complete, the five-month integration period is complete and now the one-month In-Service training is complete!

In-Service training April-May at the massembeh training center was actually really fun. We invited our counterparts to come attend the training with us where we learned technical agriculture skills and attended many sessions preparing us for starting projects in our communities. We presented our baseline assessment findings and wrote out project grant proposals. At the close of the month-long training, another volunteer and i went on an adventure with our cameras to Janjangbureh to see hippos and Wassu to see the stone circles before heading back to site. I am having a beautiful time.

I spend a lot of my time helping my host mom cook, walking to the school to do tutoring, attending village programs and events, and working with local organizations and stakeholders to start amazing projects. I have already started planning sex education, menstruation and hygiene programming, gardening projects, murals, camps and art classes!

My compound does not have a tap for water and our electricity frequently goes out (the power just went out even as I am writing this), but i am really happy here at my site. The location on the river gambia is gorgeous with lush mango trees, The people in my village are very kind to me and my host family is lovely. i am making incredible memories and I feel really lucky to be here.

however, these first six months are often hard on volunteers and sometimes the loneliest time of people’s lives.

lovingly (sarcasm), there is what is called ‘the Cycle of vulnerability and adjustment’ which is used by peace corps a lot during pre-service training to prepare volunteers for two years of ups and downs.

this graph is a generalization used across all sectors and countries and, like in my case, it does not depict the realities of every volunteer’s service.

this graph says that i should be exiting a very vulnerable period of integration and entering a well-adjusted six months of projects. humorously months 0-2 are the “honeymoon” phase. i look back at my total eight months of living here in the gambia and i feel like the first two months are actually from a bad dream. The first two months were the most vulnerable i have ever been.

I talked about it a little bit in a past post, but pre-service training was the hardest part of service for me so far. yet, it is the period of time when volunteers are the most accommodated, have transportation provided, are always around other volunteers, and have constant access to staff. days are planned out and one doesn’t have to look far for help or support.

but for me, it felt like the sun came out the moment i was dropped off by the Peace corps van with all of my stuff to figure it all out on my own.

I came into this experience sure of two things: 1.) i will excel at learning the language and 2.) I will make tons of friends.

While i bothered to mentally prepare for other things, those were the two things that i didn’t even think to consider would be a struggle for me. I have always excelled academically and i have always easily made friends.

i realize that language is truly just not one of my strengths and unfortunately i just haven’t been able to connect with everyone in my cohort. and that’s okay! my brain just doesn’t use the area for language as much as other parts of my brain and people are all different.

Growing up i really valued advanced learning and being liked. Now at 30 years old, i have learned to just let things be. I can study and attend tutoring and try really hard to practice the language but my language proficiency will take time. and i can be unproblematic and mind my business and be kind to people but i can’t expect ‘me’ from other people. And it’s all okay!

during pre-service training I experienced a freak accident and among all the newness, healing and trauma I felt really alone. I didn’t have any strong connections here and there were people at home closest to me who refused to reach out to check on me. joining the peace corps is something that i have dreamed of and talked about for years. When i finally got the news that i was officially invited to serve, some people were not happy for me. i support and cheerlead for anyone else’s dream-whether to get married, have children, pursue a new career, make music, travel, go to school, etc.

my life has always looked a little different. i didn’t go to school for something lucrative, I didn’t get a 9-5 job, I didn’t get married by my early 20’s and i didn’t start having babies by my mid 20’s. i studied art, I broke off my engagement at 23 years old, i was single for five years, I traveled the world, I bought my own house at 26 years old and i had a 10-year career working in the inner city with weird hours.

I have always been the single, independent, traveling, not-so-rich-but-living-comfortably, supportive auntie. and i have always shown up for others. I am the one who takes family pictures for everyone, buys great gifts, comes to family events, plans the baby showers, helps decorate the birthday parties, contributes at church and never belittles anyone for what they are doing in life. i show up, i support, i contribute, i care.

yet, there are people in my life who have never even said one positive, supportive, encouraging thing to me about following my dream since being invited to serve in the peace corps a year ago.

i have learned to just let things be and i can’t expect me from other people. and that’s got to be okay because there is nothing i can do about it.

I somehow got through Pre-Service training, I enjoyed integration period and i had fun during In-service training. i breezed through the first six months of service and i am proud of that.

I am thankful for the people at home who do check on me, who do encourage me, who do support me. I am thankful for the small amount of mandinka language that i do know, that i do use pretty well, that i can say to make people smile. I am thankful for the friends in my cohort who are kind to me, who i do connect with, who i do get to go on adventures with.

i’m letting things be and i’m embracing being unapologetic.

in art school it was deeply ingrained into us that you can’t just draw flowers. So, here i am drawing flowers and not apologizing for drawing pretty things. people don’t support me and i am not doing what some people think i should be doing with my life. so, here i am doing what i love and not apologizing for having beautiful experiences.

I’m just choosing to be thankful and remember why i am here, while i enjoy mangos at the river side.