I guess in Army Basic Training, if you drop cereal in the cafeteria you have to yell SORRY CEREAL! (Or whatever food name that you dropped).
It had been almost a year for me not seeing my loved ones.
I hugged my fiancé for the last time the day I left for The Gambia on October 3, 2023. I finally got to hug him again on July 29, 2024.
The original plan was for him to come visit me here in The Gambia every six months. My month-long In-Service Training ended at the beginning of May and ideally May was when we were hoping for him to visit. BUT, as if our crazy long-distance adventure we are on was not dramatic enough, he enlisted into the Army Reserves. He attended Army Basic Training in South Carolina March 18-May 31. Then he went on for specialized training in Virginia June 3-July 24.
Basic training was very hard. It was physically demanding, emotionally abusive and mentally draining but that man never complained once and toughed through without ever wavering. I think he’s the strongest man I’ve ever met. I never had to throw a grenade or sleep in a hole in the forest for four nights or only eat inedible MRE’s; but for me it was unbearable.
Being stripped of almost every belonging, those in Army Basic Training only get to access their phones to call home on Sundays for 90 minutes. Phone access on Wednesdays for 30 minutes was also given as an incentive for good behavior, however I only ever got one Wednesday call. If a few 18 year-olds act up everyone gets punished. And consequently, even the Sunday phone calls were often stripped from us.
It was devastating. It was impossibly hard not talking for weeks and having no way to contact each other. But we somehow toughed through Basic Training. When he went on to finish specialized training things got better because it was less strict. He got access to his phone in the evenings after class was over and it made such a difference to be able to talk to him more than just one hour a week.
Me serving as a volunteer thousands of miles away in West Africa has made our relationship a long distance one, which is not easy. Then him enlisting into the military at the same time making it impossible to communicate with each other made it even more not easy.
Which made him finally visiting even sweeter.
Not only did I get to see the man I love, but that man also brought my mom to visit me! My mom had never been outside of the USA before (besides Canada) and The Gambia was her first international travel destination.
Their flight out of Columbus got delayed so I ended up losing an entire day with them which was devastating! But after over 48 hours of travel, we were finally reunited.
We stayed at Tamala Beach Resort which I 10/10 recommend! I was able to get an ocean-front luxury room with private swim-up pool for only $85 a night. The free breakfast every morning was out of this world with a cook-manned omelette station, a delicious juice and fruit bar, and a huge variety of both local and European breakfast foods. I was so sad about their full-day delay out of Columbus that I went ahead and made the trip from my village to stay in the hotel. I’m so glad that I did! It was much better crying with a full belly in air-conditioning while looking at the beach.
They finally landed at 6pm on Monday. I caught a taxi from the hotel to the airport with plenty of time to spare. I’ll never forget how nervous I felt standing in anticipation getting to see them. Then, all the sudden I finally saw them and I felt so relieved. Luckily, my mom is the kind of person to write down notes after each day to remember what we did. It is all a wonderful big blur to me; so with the help from her notes our visit went like this:
Monday: Day 1 (a day late)
Finally we see each other at the airport! Mom got a visa for 5 years. Ibrahim was there! Rental car was at the airport ready for us and mom got to see the crazy driving in Kombo. We checked into Tamala Resort and mom and I ordered room service chicken and potatoes. So good! We ate in her chilly room while he drove to see his mom and visit his family home. Unreal to finally be with those I love!
Tuesday: Day 2
Awesome breakfast. It was a rest day for mom. He and I went on a long walk on the beach and we got to hold hands! We convinced mom to go with us to the Target’s (the knockoff). We dropped mom back off at the hotel to rest and then we went on a lunch date to Soun. We brought mom back a burger & potato wedges, which she loved! In the evening he and I went to his family home to finally meet his mom and family. I got to meet his brother I hadn’t met yet and I got to see the two that I have. His mom was lovely and although my Mandinka is not great we did fine. I got to finally meet his nephew, but he wasn’t feeling well. After throwing up four times we put him in our rental car and drove him to the clinic. We were there a while but he got medicine and then we dropped him off at the house. We headed back to the hotel and packed that night for visiting my village!
Wednesday: Day 3
Ate breakfast and went to the bathroom good before we left. We had our asobies on (matching outfits I had tailored for us all). We left for the ferry at 9am and stopped for an oscillating fan since I didn’t have one. The way to the ferry was quite the feat! Waited, called, waited. Finally on. People everywhere. Once off, we made our way out of Barra to the countryside. Beautiful greenery and palms. Arrived in Albreda after 5 hours of travel. We were greeted by my host family and then the village started coming by! Received delicious benekinno for lunch from my host mom and sister for just us. Passed out gifts brought for my host family. Mom was hot. I passed out “minties” to the kids and juice (Fanta) to the adults. I was very happy! He and mom met the village elders and kids. We walked to The Gambia River and took pictures with the help of my host brother C-Boy. Before dusk we took mom to the local lodge where she was staying the night. No air, no shower. But ceiling fan and toilet. He and I brought her food, fans and wifi. With fans on high, she managed to sleep some (I felt so bad! The lodge was nicer in my head). Back at the compound, he and I chatted with everyone outside and opened the UNO Extreme pack he brought. We played with all the kids and had so much fun until late and then we went to bed. Having a man in my house was so weird!
Thursday: Day 4
We woke up early, did the usual morning greetings with my host family and then went to pick mom up from the lodge. She didn’t wash her hair so she coiled it up and wore a headband. I was so proud of her for getting through the night and roughing it. We went back to my compound and all my little kids were there. Mom loved them and they loved her. She sat and showed them photos of her dog Louie and they loved being around her. My host mom made my fiancé his favorite Churro and Nono (porridge with fermented milk on top) just for him. He and my mom walked with me to fetch water from the compound next door to see how I do it every morning. Mom was moved. They got to see the kitchen we cook in out back behind the house. My host dad and my fiancé planted a mango tree to commemorate their visit. Mom was so hot! I greeted people in the village everywhere we went and mom was touched that I knew their names. She was humbled at my resilience to live here. The goodbyes were many and we took lots of pictures. My host mom was very sad to see us leave. We were so glad to give rides to my host sister Binta and host brother Bambo to come back with us to Kombo. They had fun in the rental car. Mom and Binta did word searches and Bambo stuck his head out the sun roof. We dropped them to stay with relatives and then went on to lunch at La Parisian. My fiancé ate with a childhood friend while mom and I got to eat lunch together. Got a chocolate croissant and a Coke Zero! So yummy. We ordered Chicken Alfredo but to Gambians that is a bowl of macaroni noodles with shredded cheese and a weird sauce. I love being with my mom. We crossed the busy Kairaba Avenue and got to see the US Embassy and The Peace Corps Office building across the street. Made it back to the hotel to finally shower and get in cold AC! Mom kept her room at 68 degrees. She said she just couldn’t be a PC volunteer. Her and I put our feet in the pool while my fiancé napped. I went back to my room and got dressed up for date night. He and I went to Coco Ocean and ate outside by the beautiful pools. We had a lovely time.
Friday: Day 5
The food was catching up to everyone by this morning. Mom didn’t feel 100% and my fiancé had a low grade fever. We went for breakfast and then mom rested. He and I went to go site-see at the Kachikally Crocodile Pool and the Monkey Park. I really enjoyed being passenger princess and being in a private car instead of a local gele vehicle. The Crocodile Pool was very nice and begins with a walk through small huts exhibiting Gambian history and culture. Kankarang masks, Kora musical instruments, tools and pictures were displayed. We spent a lot of time reading about the history of Gambian politics and the departure from English rule. The pool itself was pretty empty when we got there and it had a sense of being very important. Local women come to pray by the pool for fertility. We touched the back of an albino crocodile who was chilling with his mouth wide open. We enjoyed it. Then we went on to the Monkey Park which was also pretty empty. We bought a bag of peanuts and a bag of banana slices to feed the two different types of monkeys. We had a nice walk through the thick trees on the trail. The monkeys all started coming when my fiancé threw the food out, which was a little nerve-wracking. They kept their distance for the most part and we had a nice time. We walked back to the car and decided to pick up some ice cream on the way back to the hotel. She was so excited when we knocked on her door and handed her the dripping cup! Chocolate was everywhere. We finished our ice creams in the room and instantly my tummy hurt. I hadn’t had ice cream in about a year and wasn’t used to it! I recovered while visiting with my mom and he went to Friday prayer. We napped and chatted. Every Friday night at the Tamala Beach Hotel is Fish Market Night and from 7pm-11pm is all-you-can-eat fish that is prepared fresh. Mom and I went and got our baskets. We picked Lady Fish, Red Snapper, shrimp and crab! Only $20 each but after living here a while that felt like an astronomical price. We gave our baskets to the cook at the grill and got a table. Fans and breeze sitting inside the restaurant were so nice! Appetizers and soups came out before the food. My fiancé came down to sit with us as the sun set. The Olympics was on the TV while a DJ played music. A lot of fun. Our fish came out grilled perfectly! Lady Fish was the favorite. I kept ordering more grilled shrimp and passing some to my fiancé so he would eat something. I can’t remember the last time I was this happy. SO much good food and joy. I just wished he felt better.
Saturday: Day 6
My cousin Sydney’s birthday. My sister’s birthday eve. We had another great breakfast and then dressed for The Royal Albert Market in Banjul. Basically a flea market, but a main food market with fish/fruit/veggies/soaps/local goods. FLIES. EVERYWHERE. The fish and the produce were covered. It was very dirty and it stunk terrible but my mom did great! She bought 10 locally-made fans for souvenirs. I got local laundry soap and fabrics. I picked out a beautiful frosted purple fabric and a dark green teal fabric with shrimps on it. My fiancé bought his mom a suitcase for her trip back with them to America. Mom was very hot! While we were out, we stopped by where my fiance went to school. It was emotional for me to see it, knowing how hard he worked in that season of his life. We were glad to get back to the hotel and shower before our Spa Day at Coco Ocean! He dropped us off. Mom and I got full-body massages, manicures and pedicures. It had been so long since I had been pampered. They served us hot moroccan mint tea as we sat in our white robes and our squishy sandals. So fun and a really good price! Almost 4 hours later we called my fiancé to come pick us up and we got eaten alive by mosquitoes as we stood all greased up; our bug spray now rubbed off. We went back to the hotel to shower and relax. Mom ordered in yummy pizza with steak and fried egg. He and I went on a date night to Ngala Lodge for dinner. I was not prepared for how beautiful the view and the food would be. It was magical. The restaurant is round and sits up high like a treehouse overlooking the ocean. The walk to the restaurant was a path through beautiful flowers and romantic lighting. We sat watching the sunset watercolor pinks and purples over the calm beach. We had such a lovely dinner and really enjoyed.
Sunday: Day 7
My sister’s birthday. Woke up to rain! We ran in the rain to breakfast. This was the first day rainy season showed up during our visit. We had been really lucky with beautiful weather so far. We rested for the morning and then my fiancé went to visit friends and family. I went to chill with mom and she tried to give me all her things she packed. She really came with two checked bags and she left with only a carry on. My fiancé called and told us to get ready to be picked up for dinner. We took mom to Soun for dinner and had the best time! Tried the fried beans and loved them! We all got the burger that mom loved. We stopped at SafeWay on our way back to the hotel. It was still raining so there was mud everywhere! Back to the hotel to relax.
Monday: Day 8
We had an earlier breakfast than normal and said goodbye to mom for the day. He and I went to visit two of my Peace Corp Volunteer friends at their sites. We stopped in Brikama to fill up on gas and to buy both Charlie and Aji big bags of fruit. Bananas, apples, mangoes, oranges. Luckily the vendor even had grapes! 3 hours later we made it to Aji’s village in Kiang region. The road to her village was really treacherous and he kept asking if it was close. It stressed him out taking the rental car that far knowing that it was only covered in Kombo. We finally made it to her village and I got to see familiar faces. It is a Wolof village, which I don’t speak, but during IST Aji invited me to her host sister’s wedding so I have stayed there before. That time, though, we got to the village via horse cart. I was so glad for Aji to meet my fiancé and for him to meet her. We chatted in her house for a while and we gave her her big bag of fruit. I was so glad we made it to see her; she has always taken really good care of me and I wanted to return the favor. He speaks Wolof so he was able to greet everyone and even agreed to take three women who needed rides back with us to the main road. We got back on the main road and headed to Charlie in the Jarra region. About an hour later we made it to his village and I was so happy. I have been to his his village many times and I love his host family. His host mom had gone to a Kuulio with the kids so it was Charlie and his host dad who ate lunch with us. My fiancé and Charlie’s host dad enjoyed chatting and Charlie and I enjoyed trying to follow the Mandinka. Charlie’s host dad is a peanut farmer so at some point he got up and brought us a big bag of peanuts. Then the door opened and another lady in the compound brought in a live chicken and handed it to me! She told me it was for me to cook for my fiancé. It is a very big honor to be gifted a chicken like that. Charlie’s host mom called and told us she wasn’t far so we agreed to go to the village she was at and bring her back since it was raining. So with our big bag of peanuts and our chicken flopping around in the trunk, we made it over to her village in the rain and greeted everyone. We packed up the car with the family and headed back to Charlie’s village. I got to hold Ous, Charlie’s adorable baby brother, in the front seat. They wanted us to stay but we had a long trip back to Kombo trying to beat the sun going down. The original plan was to go to Charlie’s village to pick him up and go visit our training village together, but we didn’t have enough time. He and I will return to visit one day. We rushed back to Kombo just as darkness set and we were starving! But first we had to go to his family house to drop off the chicken! The day before he had paid one of his best friend’s cousins to make us Ebbeh so we drove to her house and picked it up hot and ready. Then we stopped to get chicken afra to complete our delicious dinner. We rushed back to the hotel to shower and get into jammies. We pulled the bench over to the couch and spread out all our food. We were deliriously happy eating our favorite foods in the freezing AC after a really hot fulfilling day. It was bliss.
Tuesday: Day 9
At breakfast my fiancé told us the Sorry Cereal story, among other Basic Training stories. It was the first time I had heard him really talk about it all. We were so proud of him and all he’s been through. It felt unreal to be eating breakfast with him after all that we had endured during that season. Mom went to relax and he and I went to visit his cousin where he works at the research center. It was a nice office and he walked us down to see where he and his family lives. He is very chatty and has a funny personality. After that my fiancé dropped me off to go hang out with my mom and he went to help his mom pack. Mom and I walked down to the beach and we put our feet in the ocean. It was the first time she had touched the Atlantic Ocean from the African shore. We took pics and had fun. We went back to the room and sat by the pool with our feet in. When the mosquitos came out we went back inside. I went to go get ready for our engagement photo shoot on the beach. We had been engaged for a year but never got any photos taken. So my fiancé had reached out to a local photographer who met us at our hotel. It had threatened to rain all day but by 5:30p the weather and the sky were perfect. We had a lovely time getting pictures taken in the water and on the beach. By sunset the photoshoot wrapped up and we were starving. We walked a few feet over to the hotel restaurant and had a lovely meal by candlelight. We went to bed so happy but a little sad knowing that the next day we would have to say goodbye.
Wednesday: Day 10
Our last day. We ate our last delicious breakfast together at the hotel. The walk there was sad. He had to go to check on his mom to make sure she had packed. Mom and I went back to her room and relaxed. We checked out and then my fiancé picked us up to go to lunch at Ngala Lodge. It was beautiful in the day too and the food was just as delicious. 10/10 recommend. I wished the time would slow down. Then we went with all the luggage to his family home. We stopped close by to see his land that he had fenced last year. I was emotional getting to stand on his land that I had always imagined but never seen. Then we went over to the house where his mom was getting ready. She had a lot of her friends over to send her off. We drove to the airport and they checked in their bags and got to come sit with me in the main lobby area before they had to go to their gate. I was very emotional. It was very hard to say goodbye but I felt relief knowing that we had gotten through the hardest and longest period of not seeing each other. I knew I would see them again in three short months. I hugged them and cried and off they went. I grabbed a taxi back to the hotel where I stayed in and ordered the steak and egg pizza mom had loved. She was right, it was so good!
The next morning I went to breakfast by myself and it hit me that once again I was all alone. I had been all alone for 10 months; it has been just me getting places, eating, traveling and figuring things out. I hadn’t realized how tough I have been until the emptiness of their departure hit me. I really enjoyed their visit and loved having company. I got myself a taxi to the Banjul ferry terminal and crossed to Barra where I caught a gele vehicle to my village. I was home and they were gone. I was sad for the next few weeks.
